I am sure that many of you are wondering how my life with eight snakes and two dogs is panning out.

It’s not.

Somehow, magically, without my knowledge, we are now the proud owners of ten snakes and two dogs.

Not sure how that happened. It was a sneak attack by my husband. His excuse? His boss gave them to him ‘for a job well done.’

Yea……sure he did.

Not that I am complaining, but I am complaining. My saving grace is that all the snakes stay in his ‘office.’ The office that I had been evicted from to make room for their new homes. The office that still has my book shelves, pictures, and all the pertinent paperwork. Now when my husband wants some alone time, he just opens the lids to the cages and I won’t come within 100 feet. I am beginning to think that he pre-planned this decision, making it seem like it was my idea. But in reality, he just wanted the office for himself. 

The two OGs are still downstairs with me, watching and judging every moment I spend drafting my book. We have come to a shaky peace agreement. I will ignore them, and they will watch me like a mercenary waiting to strike. 

So, in the world of Rose’s Animal Kingdom, here are the updates.

Pimping Puppy Polar Bear and Kool Kat Kona are still adjusting their prima-donna attitudes about bathroom breaks outside vs. on my favorite rug. I would like to say that I am winning the war, but unfortunately the enemy has me in full retreat. I have resorted to carrying treats to lure them outside, and then quickly shutting the door behind them. Then it is the waiting game in which they stand by the backdoor until I am freezing and give in.

So that’s coming along well!

Good News!

Five of the six Red Tail Boas now have names.

• Rosie the Riveter (I will explain that name in a few moments.)
• Newt, short for Newton
• Anne with a E
• Aelle the alligator
• Miles (My sister named her)
• No name

I have learned some valuable lessons this past week that I think all snake and/or soon-to-be snake owners should know. 

We will start with how Rosie the Riveter got her name.

Once upon a time, I thought it might be a promising idea to take photos of our newly acquired pets, something to document our journey as a business owner. It has been a pleasure! We take the snakes out almost every night for ‘handling time’ and when they do something cute, I snap a photo with my phone camera. 

Until three nights ago, when Rosie the Riveter decided she no longer wanted to be my muse- and tried to eat my phone! After my screams of terror, it took 20 minutes to talk her down from ‘attack mode’ to ‘get in your cage young lady’ mode. 

So, the lesson here is that if you want to take ‘family photos’ with your snakes- do it in zoom, and not in normal view. 

Next big lesson- snakes must eat. Yes, I know that seems like a no-brainer, but let’s talk about what snakes eat. It’s not left-over pizza or scrapes of rare steak. Nope- it is cute furry four-legged animals that for some reason always come with white fur and look like a Disney character in Cinderella. 

I tried to find snake food online that did not include fur or blood but was sorely disappointed. It seems that to have healthy animals, you should feed them according to their dietary needs. So, in the interest of having happy and healthy snakes, I must bite back my disgust and do the right thing. 

This led to another teachable moment:

Snakes are hunters. Hunters who live off what the land provides. You cannot change an animal’s instinct to attack food when it is given to them. But beware- when a snake is given the option of a warmed-up frozen rat vs. a human’s warm fingers…. they will choose the fingers. EVERYTIME!

The two new snakes are Kenyan Sand Boa’s- the ugliest damn snake in the world that likes to burrow under stuff. These are the snakes that the 1990 movie Tremors is based on. Their heads are perfectly designed to bury themselves in the sand- complete with a flattened face and pointed nose. Even better? They can live for up to 30 years! I will literally be dead before these snakes get old.  

How’s the book coming? I am glad that you asked. I got the first round of edits back from my editor. Wonderful woman! Awesome at her job! 10 out of 10!

She approved of Chapters 1-12. 

The book has thirty-four chapters!

So that’s all good. Feeling pretty optimistic about being done in the next ten years.