Two dogs, eight snakes… What can go wrong?

You all have probably wondered what has happened since I was blessed with two meanest and untouchable snakes as pets.

I would love to share!

First- It wasn’t until I made sure their Amazon-like home had multiple locks and chains, as well as individual heaters and misters, that I realized they were nocturnal. Which means they are the least impressive pets I have ever owned.

I am an early riser, so at 4:30 am, when I come down to make coffee, I turn on the kitchen lights to mimic daybreak, and they slither back to their hiding places. By the time I have had my first cup, we play the game of Where’s Waldo. Once I know they are still breathing; my job is done for the day.


Now, somewhere amid the last two weeks, I discovered that snakes could fly. Apparently, they prefer first-class travel accommodations on Delta, complete with their own personal handlers and priority boarding.

That is how my six new red-tailed boas arrived.

Unlike my two devil-imprinted slithering friends, these six are very inquisitive and playful. And, of course, any animal that can’t kill or maim me is entitled to the most luxurious accommodations I can provide. Their individual homes have state-of-the-art heating systems, spacious enclosures within their enclosures if they need some alone time, and cute dog bowls that suffice as their heated pools.

Three of the six have names- Newt, Annie with an E, and Alle. The other three have yet to do something drastic, so they are snake 1, snake 2, and snake 3.

Because they are a little more pleasant to be around, they have been given the honor of their own room. Which was inconvenient for me because my desk was banned to the dark corner of the living room. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because my four-legged friends have easy access to remind me to play with them, walk them, feed them, and be at their beck and call.

The unfortunate part is that the two packages of death are stationed behind me in their enclosures, so I had to install a mirror on the wall; that way, I can watch them. They are smart, and I would not put it past them that they spend their evenings planning a great escape.

So, I now have eight snakes, two dogs, a moody teenager, and a husband who keeps showing me pictures of more spacious houses for sale. He explains that he is doing it so I can have my own office again, but I am on to his plan. He wants more snakes.

I will admit when we started this path of owning our own business, complete with an educational blog that I will oversee, I assumed that we would have a storefront. A storefront in a cute part of town where I could walk to the coffee shop for lunch and write my book. I was hoping to develop a cute business name and design the enclosures so that people could feel at ease when looking at and learning about snakes. Of course, three employees would do the cleaning and feeding, leaving me to do my own thing- not taking care of snakes.

Nope! Jokes on me.

I spent an hour last night cleaning out the enclosures because, much to my dismay, snakes can’t go outside to go potty.

Second thing I have learned- you really have to do everything for these pets. And I recently found out that for not having legs, they are quick to crawl their way into some shady situations. Annie with an E curled up around a hammer last night and got scared when she touched the cold end of it. She attacked, the hammer stood its ground, hammer won the battle. We had to put her away quickly.

Newt is in the middle of a shed, which means that she is partially blind, and she slid herself behind the bookshelf and couldn’t find her way out.

Aelle has abandonment issues, and she latched onto Nick’s watch and refused to let go.

The other three remained in their enclosures and poked their heads out to watch the festivities. They are currently my favorites.

The biggest news is that I am 97% done with my book and ready to start editing. Fingers crossed!

I haven’t had much time to do my historical blogs with everything going on, which bums me out. I blame it on the fact that I must work. I didn’t a couple of months ago, but now I do. Have you seen the price of milk lately? Ridiculous.

I assume we will continue the saga of owning snakes and dogs as pets as the weeks go by. My dogs are on my shit list at the moment. They would frolic in the freezing weather in Alaska, playing happily in the snow mounds. In Washington? They have become divas and refuse to get their paws wet, so they refuse to go potty outside.

I now have to lure them outside with treats, quickly shut the door, and stand out in the rain until they do what they need to do. Kool Kat Kona is catching on quickly because she loves treats. But it has become a battle of wits between Puppy Polar Bear and me. I would say I was winning, but I woke up with a sore throat and fever, and Puppy Polar Bear happily sits on the couch, smiling at me.

He may have won this battle! But I will win the war!

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