Friends! Can we have a conversation that can seem controversial? Can we talk about something that is only addressed in memes or on Tic Tok videos?

I am tired of ‘that time of the month.’

My monthly visitor has bared its nasty teeth into my life again. So predictable that I can announce its impending visitation down to the hour. It starts with the irrational hatred towards anything that doesn’t clean up after itself, talks, sneezes, breaths, or generally lives in the same space as me.

Then the cravings start. For example, I had an incredible workout yesterday morning with my new gym friends (who don’t know we are friends yet, but we are always there at the same time). Then I proceeded to blow it all by eating two pieces of leftover pizza, 3 cups of coffee, and snacked on ruffle chips right before taking an hour-long nap. Finally, I woke up and made another pot of coffee, then munched on shredded mozz cheese wrapped in pepperoni.

Before heading to bed at 7:30 pm, I spent 2 hours under the blanket on my couch, watching ‘girly’ shows and thinking how I should remodel the whole living room. Then I got angry. After all, I couldn’t remodel the living room because I hadn’t won the lottery yet and couldn’t afford a $5,000.00 couch and new rugs. So that led me down the road of being mad at my job, which suddenly doesn’t pay me enough for my education, work ethic, and pure joy that I bring to our virtual meetings. That inside conversation had me right back to the Saturday email that my boss sent, a situation which has been fixed, but I was angry all over again!

I woke up feeling drained, fat, ugly, and unwilling to put effort into anything this morning. I have the same things to do on my calendar every Friday, but it just looks overwhelming! Do I need to balance the work credit card? Do I need to print out the informational sheets that I need for a weekend event? Do I need to order the food today for tomorrow morning? Should I pack, store, and load everything tonight to prepare for tomorrow? I don’t know! It is too many decisions! I can’t handle the pressure. But, of course, I could wing it at 5:00 am and hope for the best.

This is the reality of that ‘time of the month.’ It is not just about the bloating, extreme mood swings, the pimples that I still get, or the fact that I need to add more stuff to my purse to face the day! It is the fact that this is every single month! Without fail. No end in sight.

I am tired of it! And what is the only escape from this horrible situation? An equally and more disturbing future of a condition called menopause. A state that apparently can last for years! That comes with all the loveliness of ‘that time of the month,’ but with the added benefits of hot flashes, cold flashes, weight gain, saggy boobs, gray hair, and MORE wrinkles.

No more jokes! There should be no more videos made by men who find it hilarious to give a rendition of what it is like to live with someone going through ‘that time of the month!’ No more memes that highlight that a woman transforms into Ursula every month and steals the joy from everyone around her.

It is not fair!

My pain is not someone else’s profit! And I am not even getting a fair share of the profits.

What do I want to happen? I want a conversation with whoever decided that this was something that a woman could ‘handle’ and should ‘handle’ monthly. Who cursed us? I want to speak to their manager!

Friend! If it is your time of the month, or if it will be your time of the month anywhere in the near future- I will be your support system. I will be your ride or die as we eat all the Oreos in the house, hijack the remote control, refuse to do any household chores, and sulk in the misery of cramps! I got you!

I do not judge. I will help write out the list of demands you will make during the divorce proceedings. I will help navigate the murky waters of ‘Ding Dong Dashing’ your kids to their grandparents. I will sympathize with you as we watch unrealistically tiny women with perfect hair and teeth make millions of dollars just by repeating words written for them by someone else. I will help draft your resignation letter and then hide it from you without you knowing.

And in 48 hours, when the worst is over, I will throw a huge party to celebrate that you survived yet again.

I have a serious question! Is the medical community really telling me that they can eradicate Polio, but they can’t find out how to mask the side effects of ‘that time of the month?’ I am finding this hard to accept.

Ladies, we need to stand together and demand that this medical condition is taken seriously and given as much attention as the booster shot for COVID, which you don’t have because you were vaccinated with the first two shots!

Who is with me?!? Who is ready to take this to the medical community and demand answers?

But can we tackle the problem next week? This week is already packed with naps, crying while standing on the scale, pretending to work, hating all men, and ordering take-out food.