My uncomfortable battle with Yoga pants.

For years now, I have been against women wearing stretchy pants in public. Do you know the ones that I am talking about? The ones that were traditionally worn to a Yoga studio or at the gym. The tight pants that highlights every asset that women were blessed with. Typically worn with an overly oversized sweater or mid-drift shirt. If you frequent Walmart- you will usually find them paired with a pair of bunny slippers or Bearpaw’s. 

In my mind, those pants were made to be worn in the privacy of a hot box room while putting your body in positions that it had no business being in. Or, because I have been cursed with living in areas of the world where -20 is a warm winter- under your snow pants as a layer of defense. But never in public as an outer garment.

This self-imposed thought process has become an internal battle for me recently. For example, I have wonderfully cute winter boots! Boots that I have spent a lot of money on because of their design. And because they were created to keep my feet safe in my bi-polar Alaskan weather. But, unfortunately, no one ever got to see my investment because I grew up in the age where boot-cut jeans were the only option for women with curves. Skinny jeans never worked for me; I look like Violet Beauregarde, aka Blueberry girl, from the Willy Wonka film. Also, I have thick thigs, so dresses are a no-go unless I wear a pair of spandex underneath, and we all know how uncomfortable that can be.  

Fast forward to the last three months. My girlfriends all wear wonderfully cute outfits featuring stretchy pants. I thought it was because they were all skinny, blonde, and had a built-in understanding of applying makeup and styling their hair. No matter if it is 5 a.m and they are off to serve breakfast to a group of 150 angry people, or if it is 7 p.m. and they are playing legos with 25 kids under the age of 10- they always looked cool, confident, and put together. I secretly hated them!

It was during breakfast together on a business trip that my position on stretchy pants changed. As I was sitting in the restaurant trying to tuck my tummy fat into a comfortable place discreetly around my jeans, they were all enjoying their coffee and plates of avocado toast.  

Why do skinny people always order avocado toast? It is horrible, and by 10:15 a.m, I am starving and sneaking to Jason’s doughnuts for an apple fritter. But I digress; that is a conversation for another day. 

The topic of weight came up, and because we are all comfortable with each other, it wasn’t a big deal to say how much the scales hate us. I started, of course, subtracting 10 pounds off my weight because I was surrounded by skinny bitches. And then they made their confession! They were still skinny bitches, but not as slim as I thought. I was blown away! They look like they had never seen three digits on the scale, but there they are, stating that they had!  

What was their secret? Pills? Tapeworms ordered from Russia? Drinks made from tropical plants that specialized trackers can only find by forging amid rainforests? Surgery’s that can only be done in the safety of a third-world country’s back alley? I was in disbelief. I ate that horrible avocado toast as they shared their secret.

Stretchy pants! It seems that someone created the pants of fitness pros and professional dancers for women to be comfortable! They not only tuck in those pesky rolls of fat, but they provide moisture-wicking, odor protection, and compression! That is everything that I need for my flabby, middle-aged body!  

So I did my research because that is what I do. In Vogue, Rachel Marlow noted that yoga pants had become acceptable wear for women “on the school run, in the line for morning coffee, over a business lunch, or even drinks.” Author Mae Anderson, writing in the Denver Post in 2013, called yoga pants the “new jeans.” Based on a preliminary 2012 study of “enclothed cognition,” the Atlantic suggested that wearing active clothing might encourage people to exercise more.

I was astonished! There was clothing that not only made me feel comfortable in my skin but would encourage me to work out? Sold!  

Here we are today! I am sitting in my office, drinking a cup of coffee, wearing a pair of my brand new fleece-lined yoga pants, watching the snowfall outside. I am thinking about maybe jumping on the treadmill for a comfortable morning walk before getting ready for the day. Or I may just finish another chapter of my book because my stomach fat is not uncomfortably in my way of writing. The sky is the limit.   

Whatever the decision- I have my pair of stretchy pants picked out for the day, along with an oversized sweater that matches my brand new mukluk boots that I got for my birthday. I can’t wait to do my errands today!

3 thoughts on “My uncomfortable battle with Yoga pants.

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  1. Remember luluroe. Pyramid scheming, trend setters? They sold the ugliest most comfortable yoga pants, or are they leggings? I have no idea what the difference is? Anyway, I confess I have 2 pair. My favorite are the ones with swans (don’t judge). They live in my drawer because I feel guilty wearing something that caused so many people financial bankruptcy, but sometimes secretly I open my drawer and pet them. They really are incredibly comfortable.

      1. I have 4 bulky sweaters in my closet that I wear with my yoga pants. They pare together like peanut butter and jelly or wine and cheese. They are a happily married couple, after 35 years together; content to fart in each other’s company.

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