I thought I would spend my time learning about how horoscopes work. After hours of studying the stars and alignment of the planets- this is what I came up with:

OVERALL:

Your month will be filled with mixed fortunes! It may a really good month. It may be a really bad month. It would be best if you focused on changing yourself. Unless you like yourself- then you should stay true to your path. You are going to be successful this month! Unless those hurdles cause you to fall on your face- then it will not be a successful month. Your opposition will come from family and friends. Unless you have a great relationship with your family and friends, and then they will support you!

Love and Relationship Horoscope:

Work stress is going to get in the way of your love life this month. Unless you know how to compartmentalize. If you do then, Mars will increase your passion. But don’t let it control your passion too much because that could be dangerous. So, you need to leave work at the office, embrace the rays of Mars, but wear sunscreen because you may get burnt. Make sense?

Good. One last thing- that pesky Mars may spoil your chances of a lifelong relationship if you are too aggressive. Therefore, you cannot be the first to text back after that date- let them come to you. Unless they don’t have a cell phone, then you might want to call them.

Family:

Not a good month for you to be spending your hard earn vacation time with them unless you live with your family- then you have no choice but to hang on for the ride. Family finances will be a topic of conversation because someone will have a mid-life crisis and buy a yacht and a new nose.

The stars tell us that it will probably be someone older, but they are not specific. So just to be safe- plan on this financial doom’s day to be brought on by someone between 32 and 75.

This is going to be the month of arguments and disagreements! Children will be negatively affected by their studies unless they are out of school for the summer. Then they are fine. There will be fights over summer chores, dog walking responsibilities, summer camp choices, what is acceptable to eat for lunch and what is not, and the appropriate number of days in-between showers. But hang in there! It will fall solely on your exhausted shoulders to broker the peace and create a well-adjusted and loving family. Good luck!

Health:

The stars are aligned for this to be a healthy month. Unless you get sick or hurt- go to the doctors, and they can help you out. The sun is shining; get out there and get your exercise! Unless you live in an unsafe neighborhood. Then it would be best if you went to the local gym. Unless you can’t afford the gym because someone just bought a yacht and a new nose. Then you should maybe consider doing Yoga at home.

Don’t forget to eat healthily! Raw fruits and vegetables, lean cut meats, no sugar, and throw out that bread. Unless you have kids home for summer vacation, leave the food in the house, but you can’t eat it.

Career:

Honey- it is not looking good for you in the career field. Your hard work is not going to be acknowledged by the number deposited into your bank account. No one will want to be at work, so this will lead to issues in the workplace. You all may be fighting over who took the last cup of coffee and didn’t brew a new pot.

The management? They are all going through divorces and do not have prenups. So you are going to feel the pain of their anger. This is going to affect your performance and satisfaction with your job. But it is not a good time for a career change, so you will have to deal with it. Unless you are the CEO of a business, then you have nothing to worry about.

Finance:

Now I know that the stars said that the family finances are going to crap- but you will be fine. You were brilliant- you have a secret investment account that only you have access to! That account will explode this month! So you will be able to finally get that new washer and dryer set that you have been eyeing. Or get an oil change and new tires- you have only been putting it off for three years!

Unless you don’t have an investment account- then you will be struggling to figure out how to sell a yacht on Facebook Market place. If you have not started investing in your future, this is the month to do it! Unless you live paycheck to paycheck and don’t have spare change for lemonade cup sold by your neighborhood kids. Then you shouldn’t invest your money.

Education:

Dang! This is not your month for education either! It’s not you- it’s the college. Those pesky admin people working in the office processing applications – they are Gemini’s also! And as we know, they are not happy with their work situation. It might not be the right time for you to decide to become a neurosurgeon or computer tech.

Just go to Barnes and Nobel and pick up a GRE study book and wait it out. While there- get a cup of coffee. You deserve it. I will allow you even to get a cookie. Unless you are on that diet that I told you that you should be on. Then you may order a small black coffee.

Travel:

Great month for travel!

The stars tell me that it will be a great month to travel with those argumentative family members or on business for that company treating you like crap! Financially you will be able to support it- if you invested in the stock market! If you didn’t – you might want to take the Gray Hound bus route. It doesn’t matter- once you hit the open road, all your worries will be in the past!

Unless we are still amid a fuel shortage- then you might be spending a lot of time stuck on the side of the road.

Up to you!

It is your life!

You got this!