Saturday mornings: I get up, take the dogs out, make coffee, drink coffee, think about all the things I need to do within 48 hours, drink more coffee with at least two smokes, walk into the kitchen and think ‘do the floors really NEED to be mopped two times a week?’. In a house with three dogs- yes, they do!

But first! I need to wrap Christmas presents because my family gets a little peaky if I am not careful. I recently spied Kekoa in my office looking for his Christmas present that he didn’t know he wanted. Jokes on him- I hid all the real presents in the cleaning closet, knowing that NO ONE will go in there but me.

Two hours later- presents are wrapped and stacked on the Christmas table because it’s the only place that I can put them without the dog eating them. A Christmas table sounds like a legit thing. I had my earphones in, music playing, and off I went to do my Saturday morning chores while everyone was still sleeping.

I finally got done mopping all the floors, and Polar took that opportunity to let me know that he doesn’t like clean floors that smell like Pine-Sol evergreen…by shitting on the floor. What an amazing and well-behaved dog I have. Really, he is the joy of my life. Like this week, he completely ate all the stuffing out of my couch legs and spread it around the house- it was like waking up to a snow-covered living room. Joyful! He also decided that the Christmas tree was placed in the wrong area- and moved it TWICE for me to the center of the living room. Puppy Polar now needs to be locked in the room at night, so he doesn’t eat everything- so last night I got to sleep with him and Dutchess on my legs, taking all the covers, and then they farted on me. I tell you, my Christmas spirit is high right now!

This leads me to this blog. I was at my wit’s end; I need the Christmas spirit. My family doesn’t have it- they want to get presents. So I looked up ‘best way to get into the Christmas spirit on Goggle.com. Google is always my fallback. So here we go- my answer to Pinterest’s list….

1. Listen to Christmas music. I turned on my Pandora and found the Christmas Morning channel- and on pops Rudolph, The Red-Nose Reindeer by Gene Autry. Okay, I am beeping bopping while doing the dishes. I can dig this.

2. Fill your home with scents of Christmas. I have the excellent smelly plugs in—I got up and set them around the house—the smells of evergreen and baked apples. Check. Dutchess farts again. That’s great! Thank you, Dutchess!

3. Cut down your To-Do list. Okay! I am sitting at my desk with my handy-dandy Steller Calendar…. let’s see what I can cut next week! Looking at all my stuff to get done, bouncing it off my Outlook calendar with work, cross-bouncing it with my to-do list for Holiday for Heroes Part 1 and 2, and Christmas for Veterans- I can cut out 3 hours of sleep every night between 1 am and 4 am. If I use that time to work out, work on my book, and snow shovel- it will save me 1.5 hours during the day. If I shop online for groceries, that will save me another hour that I can use to change out the bathroom light bulbs that blew out two weeks ago.

4. Get into the Christmas spirit by asking for help! Okay. Can someone please help me with training for Puppy Polar? Please. Or you can send coffee and Prozac! That would work too.

5. Decorate something for 20 minutes. Done! I do that every day when Puppy Polar decides to relocate the Christmas tree and eat the decorations. This one is going into the trash. By the end of this season, I will not have any more decorations for next year.

6. Read the true story of Christmas. I am looking for my bible. It’s old; it’s pink, it’s from when I was a teenager. Where did I put it? Oh, that is right- Puppy Polar ate it about two weeks after we got him. I think that it did not fill him with the Spirit of Goodness, and he must have missed the chapter that says something about obeying.

7. Watch a Christmas movie. I can do that- Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. Kekoa said he would watch it with me today after we watch Hamilton the Musical. Of course- I need to fix the couch that Puppy Polar viciously attacked so that we can sit on it. However, that means I need to go to JoAnne’s to get more stuffing and heavy-duty leather tape to fix the holes. I also need to get a new hot glue gun, stop by the grocery store to get more hot chilies for the spray to keep Puppy Polar away from it, and vacuum and steam clean the couch because Puppy Polar peed on it when I walked downstairs, and he knew that I was going to be mad. While I am there, I might as well get my grocery shopping done- there goes 6 hours of the day. Maybe we will save the Christmas movie for next weekend!

8. Drive around and look at Christmas lights. There are only Christmas lights up in Alaska if the homeowner remembered to put them up in October before the ground and air froze. If they were anything like me- that seemed like a lot of work in October, or they were ignored by the family when it was mentioned that we should maybe do it. I have Christmas lights- they have been in the attic in their original packaging for two years now- just begging to be used, but never are.

9. Paint your nails red! Anyone who knows me knows that this a year-round thing for me! Done!

10. Go for a walk. Ha! Does walking to the mailbox, grocery store, and taking the trash out count? What about shoveling the snow? That should count.

So, what was that? 3/10? Nails are red, I redecorate at least once a day, and I asked for help! Christmas spirit, here I am- I am waiting! I am ready! Please visit soon!