I love my job, I love my job, I love my job….if I say it 3 times fast- it might come true. Normally, I love my job. Today, I am rethinking my position. No amount of coffee has reduced the feeling of anger for Halloween Candy bags made in a COVID friendly manner. I have lost count of the amount of bags that I have made over the last 2 weeks…I know that there was 100 created this morning, and it is only 6:26 am. I actually had a nightmare last night about being chased by Twix’s and Reese’s who were angry that I was trapping them in snack size zip lock bags. They chased me down Candy Lane and roped me with licorice. I was dunked in a vat of milked chocolate and was paraded down the street as thousands of angry children threw candy corn at me. I literally woke up in cold sweats and crying in agony from the heartburn. I don’t think that this is what my doctor meant when he said that I needed to reduce my stress.

Halloween was once my favorite time of year, and now I am praying for January. Why do we do this? You know what Halloween means? It means that for the next 2 weeks I get to play the amazing game of finding Kekoa’s secret hiding spot of candy trash. It means that I now have a easy fix for those 9:00pm candy cravings that the rest of the year I cant cave into because I don’t have candy. It means that I have to start working out again because I now have gained the retirement 15, the COVID 20, and Halloween 10- all in the matter of 8 months! I cant handle the pressure of this holiday!

Did you know that studies have shown that Halloween makes children a little more evil than usual. Children’s identities are hidden, and they are also emboldened by groups. Because of this, Halloween makes children far more likely to steal candy and money. And here we think its so cute when we dress them up and parade them down the neighborhood. Hang on to your valuables people, the struggle is about to be real.

American’s didn’t even start this tradition! That’s right ladies and gentlemen- it was our friendly Canadian neighbors that started this craze in 1927 in a far off place called Blackie, Alberta, Canada. Do we like Canadian’s? I am always so confused. Are we related? Do we invite them over for Christmas dinner? Or are we only friends on Facebook?

Back in the day, Halloween was actually primarily a single ladies holidays. There are numerous reports that on this day, women were able to find their future spouses by many different ways. Young women used to mark apples during apple bobbing. If a young man captured her apple while bobbing, that girl had found her match. Another matchmaking tradition had young women peeling an apple on Halloween and then throwing the peel over her shoulder. The peel was then carefully inspected to see if it formed a letter; if so, that letter would indicate the initial of the girl’s future spouse. According to a legend from the late 1800s, if a young woman stared into a mirror in a dark room on Halloween, she would see the face of her future spouse. In Scotland, single women were told to choose an array of hazelnuts that each represented one of their potential mates and throw them into the fire on Halloween. The nut that burned, rather than popped, represented her future husband. In 18th century Ireland, another tradition had a cook hiding a diamond ring in a bowl of mashed potatoes on Halloween. Whoever was the first to find the ring was sure to find true love. Where are all my single ladies? We got work to do! I got 5 pounds of apples sitting on my counter that my family refuses to eat, I got ya!

This holiday has caused so many problems- that we had to enact laws just to get through the day! For example- it is illegal to dress up as a minister, priest, nun, or rabbi for Halloween in Alabama, and you can be fined and/or arrested for the offense. Since 2004, a bizarre law has been enacted on the streets of Hollywood on Halloween. They’ve outlawed the use of silly string for that 24-hour period. There is even a $1,000 fine for either using or selling the party supply on Halloween. In Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, if Halloween falls on a Sunday, children must trick-or-treat the night before. The coastal city created the law to prevent children and their guardians from going door to door on Sunday evenings. In Dublin, Georgia, you are not allowed to wear a mask, hood, or any other item that conceals your identity in public places. This law applies to everyone throughout the year, except children 16 years of age and younger on Halloween.  So what are the going to do this year? Belleville, Illinois restricts teenagers who are past the eighth grade (generally older than 13) from going door-to-door for candy on Halloween. The fine for breaking this local law ranges from $50-1,000.  And if you think Belleville is strict, Newport News, Virginia limits trick-or-treating to kids 12 years old and younger. In addition to imposing an age limit, a Newport News law dictates that trick-or-treating must end at 8 pm. If you do not abide by the Halloween curfew, you could be held accountable for a fine up to $250. 

The morale of the story today friends is that …… well I have no idea what the morale is. I would love to ponder one, but I have to go make another 100 COVID friendly zip lock bags of candy for my friends at Fort Wainwright. Can someone send coffee please? And a new treadmill, might need it on Sunday!