The Truth about the weather in Alaska- Damn it is Cold!

I had a 0800 appointment this morning, I had scheduled it between my 0700 and 0900 virtual meetings that I needed to present for. You know ‘present’- video off, mike on mute- actually coloring on my life size madeleine coloring page or writing my blog. Sometimes I take the meeting with me while I make a cup of coffee, take the dogs outside, do the dishes, or on RARE occasions when I have had to go to the potty really bad. Back to the story- because of this horribly placed doctor appointment, I was running late out the door. Normally, until today actually, this would not have been a huge deal. I would have time get to the Doctors office and just have to get the Starbucks on the way home. NOT TODAY.

Today~ running late, only 3 cups of coffee, makeup barely on, headphones in as I ‘listen’ to a morning meeting, can’t find my shoes because the puppy found a new hiding place (I displaced his previous hiding spot yesterday, he showed his appreciation by peeing on me this morning), where the hell are my smokes? Get to the car- Frozen. Fine whatever. I got this. I am a Alaskan. I sit on my leather seats, oh hell NO! I start the car, turn on those lovely seat heaters and the car speaks. It says- ‘Rose, it is 25 degrees outside.’ Wait what? 25 degrees? Like 7 degrees colder than freezing? Then my car says- ‘Rose, welcome to fall.’

You see my friends, that is what I want to talk to you about. Alaska’s concept of fall is so far off from the rest of the world that I think I need to explain it:

Spring- 3 months usually defined as ‘break-up season’. This means that all the snow, dirt, and trash from winter miraculously shows up in a color and texture that I can only describe as chocolate chip cookie dough. Its a yucky period of time that we celebrate because the thermometer reads above -32 degrees.

Summer- 2 months usually defined by ‘hot as hell’ or as I like to refer to – mosquito season. These pesky small dinosaurs love our summer because the sun guides their blood seeking habits, and due to the fact that sun doesn’t go down- they have 60 days of pure bless. You think Alaskan’s don’t wear shorts and tube tops because we are pasty white- the truth is because we are protecting ourselves from malaria.

Fall- 2 weeks- usually defined as the most amazing time of year. Falls anywhere between Aug and Oct. Lean usually toward Sep 1st as our first fall day. Leaves change to a brilliant orange overnight, the crisp air is innovating to the soul, Starbucks usually releases Pumpkin Spice Latte’s early to us living in Alaska because of our weird weather pattern. It is a magical week! Sweat shirts come out, people sitting outside in their cute fall clothing enjoying a HooDoo beer while talking to their neighbors, we start talking about Christmas shopping because we know we don’t have much time left in ‘easy driving conditions’.

That magical 2 weeks is all that you get! Because then then comes what I call, ‘hell week’. This is the moment that we all realize that winter is fast approaching and we need to prepare. That was me this morning. Hell week is upon us ladies and gentlemen. Get that plastic on the windows! Clean out that fireplace! Pull out all the sweatshirts and wool socks and get them prepared because you will not be seeing any type of skin for the next 7 months. Get those flower pots inside. Deep clean your house and throw away all unnecessary items because its will be a while before you will want to go to the dump.

Amazon makes a killing off of us this time of year, because you want to know what all major stores are not selling yet- winter clothing. Who needs winter clothing? WE DO! But no, Wal-Mart still has the summer swimsuit edition Barbie dolls sporting the latest and greatest on blue polka dotta two pieces. Amazon is my friend. They will sell us Columbia plush jackets at only 25% the mark up rate, but hey- free shipping if you spend $7.99 a month for prime!

I still went for my walk today. I was proud of myself. 25 minute walk, thinking to myself the whole time- why have I not moved yet?

P.S. My book is going really well! I have completed chapter 1, part of chapter 2, and almost all of Chapter 13. I am on a roll!

What are your thoughts?

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